An exercise in Pop Blasphemy
An ecclesiastical experiment in Heathenism
A sharp biting satire that skewers the sacred
After the foliage, when all the flowers and the leaves had fallen and the trees were completely naked. They felt shame and went to hide.
Then God, who wanted to punish them, did punish them.
So the trees felleth. All at once. So many heavy trees fell down at the same time that they made a thundering sound. Then people realized that the gods were furious. Because the earth was trembling with divine fury. It was so hard the impact of the trees falling that the oceans quaked and produced giant waves that swallowed the earth.
And all that fury had a reason to be. The Gods were angered by the homosexuals that were living on earth. And they were not going to stop knocking down trees with the wind, dead and naked trees until there were no more homosexuals on earth.
So then a group of very compassionate people devoted to God and the good of others decided to start slaying homosexuals so the gods wouldn't be upset anymore.
Every time they killeth a homosexual the gods did feel a bit better. So when they finished slaying the homosexuals and they burned them all at the center of the universe, then the gods were contented and the winds and the oceans calmed down.
And new trees started growing, with little fresh flowers and leaves. The little girls frolicked in the gardens wearing their little pink dresses with ribbons. And the boys playeth with their little trucks and guns. There was peace and harmony because that was the will of the Lord.
And for each boy with a little dick there was a girl with a little hole. Everything was carefully calculated, because one day they were going to marry and have more children because in the wisdom and plan of Almighty God the marriage relationship between man and woman was provided.
And every child of the church understood that they were called to sainthood through marriage. So God never got upset again. There was no reason to get upset. God geteth upset when he sees homosexuals. But there were no more left. God also gets upset when people don't pray. But everybody prayeth. God also gets upset if people commit adultery or lie with their neighbor. But nobody was lying with their neighbors or committing adultery. God also geteth upset if people cook the lamb upside down without salt or if they cook bread with yeast. But nobody was adding yeast to their bread and everybody turneth the salty lamb right side up.
And every chil d of the church understood that they were called to sainthood through marriage. So God never got upset again. There was no reason to get upset. God gets upset when he sees homosexuals and other unnatural relationships. But there were no more unnatural relationships left. God also gets upset if people don't pray. But everybody was praying. God also gets upset if people commit adultery or sleep with their neighbor. But nobody was sleeping with their neighbors or committing adultery. God also gets upset if people cook the lamb upside down without salt or if they cook bread with yeast. But nobody was adding yeast to their bread and everybody turned the lamb right side up.
And that they had to help the poor he added. So they changed the name of the poor . So everything was okay, there were no more poor in the biblical sense.
And to the ones who insisted on staying poor they told them that there was a better world awaiting them, but they had to die first.
Then the poor got very happy, because they would be welcome in the kingdom of the Lord.
But then the rich, who had invented the lie got jealous, they also wanted to enter the kingdom of the Lord, so they started praying and they said: It's not true that the rich will not enter heaven, heaven is full of millionaires. Heaven is full of americans because God loves America!
Back up Satan, yelled the demons and they spat some disgusting fluids.
So people on earth kept reading and learning about their origins
Adam was created from dust and Eve was a rib
No, yelled the women, Eve was not a rib, she was made out of a rib!
And the men said, Adam was alone, so God created Eve for him and deliberately after him
That's why we eat pork ribs and the beef ribs because it reminds us of Adam's companion and the sanctity of marriage
And they warned christians about the chaos and disorder that would arise if people wouldn't get married. The world would rot in fornication, rubbish and promiscuity.
Then the women started throwing the boiling water from their pots on their clothes to wash away their sins.
And the malevolant infidels began to insinuate what should not to be insinuated. How come he was already 33 years old and not married? No! The faithfull shouted. No! Jesus was not gay!
He wasn't married yet because he was very busy healing the ill and the destitute
And what was all that bleeding heart concern for the poor? Was He a leftist? No, Jesus was not a communist! The faithfuls shouted . He was a little confused with the subject of the poor but he never actively supported any revolution! He was the son of God and Holy Mary, mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death...
And God said to them: Thou shall not kill!
But they killed the deers and hung the heads in their living rooms ,
And the warriors got jealous and said: Why can the hunters hang the heads of the deers in their homes? We also want to hang the heads of the ones we killed!
So the warriors hung in their homes the heads of their enemies!
And the blood kept running on Earth and it turned into rivers of spilled blood .
And they killed the chickens, and they killed the children and they killed the cows and they killed the women, and they killed the pigs, and they killed the men, and they killed the bulls and they killed the soldiers and they killed the fish...
And the ministers of God said is the fault of the children born out of wedlock!
And the priests said is the fault of the homosexuals!
And the bishops said is the fault of the promiscuous and immoral women !
And the women said: It is fault of the war !
And God said unto them: Thou shall not steal
But they continued stealing
And Armageddon and The Angels came down from heaven playing golden harps
And people on earth died of the plague because they ran out of air
And the christians regretted their sins and begged the Lord for mercy
but it was too much behind schedule, it was too late...
The hole in the sky was swallowing up the Earth and they were burned with the sun until they got incinerated. The only ones that were saved were the gays and the lesbians and transsexuals and bisexuals and the transgender… because they were hidden underneath the ground.
And because gays love to reproduce , they again filled the Earth with the children of artificial insemination
And the women lent their womb and the men lent their sperm
And the women and the men exchanged wombs and sperm and eggs
And the children were raised by many fathers and mothers and parents of undefined gender
It was very queer, very saphodean.
Born and raised in Buenos Aires, Argentina, Susana Cook is a New York based performance artist who has been writing and performing original work for over 20 years. She presented over 17 original plays as writer, director and performer: Homeland Insecurities, The idiot King, The Values Horror Show, 100 Years of Attitude, Dykenstein, Hamletango, Prince of Butches, Gross National Product, Hot Tamale, Conga Guerrilla Forest, The Fraud, Butch Fashion Show in the Femme Auto Body Shop, Rats:The Fantasy of Extermination and Tango Lesbiango among others. She has won numerous fellowships and honors for her work, and has presented it internationally in Argentina, Colombia, Mexico, Spain, India, Ecuador, France and Canada.