The question “Is it better to speak or to die?” hangs over the characters in Call Me By Your Name. The question, first introduced from a fairytale, haunts Elio as he comes of age while navigating his identities as a French-American, queer, Jewish person living in Northern Italy during the summer of 1983. 

Elio is in a constant state of pondering, only pulled out of anxious thoughts in his interactions with Oliver, a graduate student studying under Elio’s father. Oliver brings joy to the film as he embodies color and levity. In the face of Oliver’s casual and confident bravery, Elio too becomes brave as he learns to embrace his identities. Throughout the film, Oliver dawns a Star of David necklace. When holding Oliver’s Star of David necklace, Elio confesses he used to own one but does not wear it because “[His] mother says we are Jews of discretion” (1:00:51-1:01:45). As the film progresses, we later see a less anxious and more open Elio dawning a Star of David across his own neck. It is a distinct moment of intimacy as the film closes in on both of their necklaces.

Oliver and Elio’s shared moments of intimacy are connected through their shared religion and the symbolic representation of such worn upon their chests. In moments of joy, pain, and even separation, this symbol of both confidence and connection reminds Elio of love and laughter. After Oliver has left, Elio struggles through feelings of grief as he mourns the love that could have been. In an effort to comfort and understand Elio, his father remarks, “But to make yourself feel nothing. So as not to feel anything. What a waste” (2:04:49-2:05:01). His father encourages Elio’s mourning because it came along with  great love. Elio, instead of living in discretion, learns from Oliver and decides to feel. 

The love showcased between Elio and Oliver is not uncomplicated and is certainly problematized by their ages. Elio is 17 and Oliver is 24; though this is of course troubling, it also confuses their dynamic. Oliver is asked to be both a guide for a young Elio and a lover. In the face of anxious laughter and anxious love, is another representation of such anxieties. Their age and life differences between Oliver and Elio bring about their own problematic nature. Yet, their relationship makes each of them brave. Oliver fears the realities of his queerness. Elio is afraid to feel and afraid to be left. Yet they decide that it is in fact better to speak than to die; it is better to feel than be numb. 

Works Cited

Guadagnino, Luca. Call Me by Your Name. Sony Pictures Classics, 2017.