There are countless reality television dating shows that capture our attention on numerous platforms and in numerous ways. These shows are a way for the audience to get a chance of being entranced by the romantic lives of the members of the show, both the good and the bad, or in this case, the dark side. This paper will discuss the dark sides of communication within the TLC reality dating show ’90 Day Fiancé’, where the show follows numerous couples that work to navigate the K-1 visa that allows a foreign member wishing to enter the United States to live with their American spouse for 90 days with the intention of marriage.

What’s important to note is that the entirety of each relationship that is being done in person is documented and shows the complexities of their relationships and how they deal with different circumstances within their relationship. This television show in particular focuses on the comprising of multiple different continents and economic backgrounds; this series is comprised of 34 countries that are represented by members of the cast (Rocque, 2020). What the show aims to present to its viewers is an exciting and unconventional television program that would seem more relatable to the audience. With the display of these relationships, there is clear evidence of the dark side of communication being portrayed within most couples; the biggest two would arguably be deception and belittling. Although there are numerous couples that display these negative forms of communicating, the couple that we are going to focus on is

Nature of Deception

The definitive term of deception is “an organism's ability to disguise its underlying intentions through the creation of misleading content."  This is seen consistently through this specific series and the relationships within them (Janovic, 2003). Many of the simplistic forms that we see at face value within this television show are going to be in relation to those members of the relationships that are trying to move to America. This is consistently seen and acted out by the cast when there is a big fight or even that forces the truth of the relationship to be shown; there is the need and want for a green card and nothing else. With this reach by members for a green card, we are seeing obvious forms of deception, but within each relationship there are tests that show when other forms of deception are being shown.

Within Azan and Nicole’s relationship, the audience can see clear evidence of Azan’s deception within their relationship when he speaks out to Nicole about the women he has been texting while in a relationship with her. The sole reason this information has come out is because Nicole’s mother saw the evidence of him texting other women, and that forced Azan’s hand into telling the truth to Nicole. When he finally tells his fiancé this information, it crushes her and has the obvious negative effect on the relationship, in which she then second-guesses the relationship in its entirety. Evidence of deception, especially through the form of social media and online communication platforms, is seen multiple times and remains to be a consistent dark side for many relationships within this series.

Belittlement 

Continuing to investigate the relationship of Azan and Nicole, there is also the clear portrayal of belittlement within their dynamic, especially when it comes to Azan speaking down toward Nicole. The use of belittlement, which is a form of emotional and verbal abuse, is the act of making an individual feel small or unimportant, which can cause many rifts between a couple and affect their relationship (Kowalski, 2003). For many relationships, romantic or not, belittlement causes a speedy decline for the relationship in its entirety. What can be seen as small off-hand comments and minuscule jabs can add up, especially for the individual who these are being spoken to, and cause negative thoughts or even lead to resentment.

The audience sees this when Azan is speaking about Nicole going to the gym and changing her relationship with food and her lifestyle of being ‘lazy’. The audience sees the use of belittlement among many of the couples within this series, as sit is often used due to a difference in physical appearance or financial capabilities. Azan continuously makes comments about Nicole going to the gym and changing her lifestyle in order for them to work; this starts to add up for Nicole and is shown to be a clear source of resentment when she brings it up into their conversations.

Conclusion

Although there are many different forms of dark communication seen in reality television dating shows, especially one such as ’90 Day Fiancé’, deception and belittlement play exponentially large roles in the ways that the relationships are enacted and turn out. These negative impacts on the relationships make it not only difficult for the couples within them, but many audience members are meant to feel the emotions along with these characters. Reality television is a perfect example of the dark side of not only these reality dating shows but of communication in general.