While the average dating show has some arbitrary deadline, often to signify commitment (e.g., The Ultimatum, Love is Blind), 90 Day Fiancé, produced by TLC, is based on the premise of deadlines, insofar as it follows the requirements and limitations of a K-1 visa. According to The Atlantic (2021), 90 Day Fiancé follows couples pursuing a K-1 visa, otherwise known as the “fiancé visa,” to allow a domestic U.S. citizen’s foreign partner to enter the U.S. for marriage within a 90-day timeframe. While this does not inherently seem out of the ordinary for those interested in transnational marriages, many couples who form relationships on the show had not met each other before their engagement (Witter, 2023). Therefore, for many individuals, it is not only their first time in the U.S. but also their first time physically seeing their fiancé face-to-face. This, coupled with the complicated visa process, rapid timeline, and the additional component of being filmed for a television show, creates negative relational dynamics. This short essay will explore 90 Day Fiancé through the lens of relationship turning points and how these moments reveal the dark side of interpersonal communication.

Relational Turning Points 

Bolton (1961) defined relational turning points as “a formative event in which the relationship is changed in some way, positively or negatively” (as cited in Baxter & Erbert, 1999, p. 551). When there is a disproportionate number of negative turning points, it causes a decrease in relationship satisfaction and often leads to relationship deterioration (Baxter & Bullis, 1986). While the context of 90 Day Fiancé inherently signifies a largely positive turning point in the couple’s relationships (i.e., going from a transnational relationship to coinciding face-to-face), specific negative turning points manifest throughout the season, which ultimately either leads to the demise or success of the relationship. Key relational turning points, such as visa approval and manipulation, financial expectations and disputes, and cultural clashes, will be explored through specific examples as case studies from the show. 

Visa Approval and Power Dynamics

Securing a U.S. visa can be a daunting and challenging task, yet visas can also be used as a manipulation tactic to exert power within relationships. One example is Mohamed and Danielle’s relationship on Season 2 of 90 Day Fiancé. After meeting in an online chat room, Danielle, an American woman, and Mohammed, a man from Tunisia, became engaged and struggled to connect emotionally and physically. Over the 90 days, Danielle initially exerted power over Mohamed because she was the key to his visa and U.S. citizenship; however, Mohamed also recognized Danielle’s desire for marriage and intimacy and her emotional instability (Fischer, 2021). The wedding proved to be a major turning point and power shift in the couple’s relationship, as Mohamed was no longer reliant on Danielle for citizenship. Instead, Mohamed remained emotionally and physically distant, often manipulating Danielle by threatening to leave the marriage in times of conflict. Perhaps the biggest turning point in the relationship, which can be seen in clip 1 and ultimately led to its official deterioration, came after allegations of Mohamed’s infidelity led Danielle to file for divorce. With yet another power shift, legal and emotional manipulation signified that this relationship was merely transactional for both parties. This example represents not only the lengths an individual will go to become a U.S. citizen but also how longing for emotional connection can become a crutch in unhealthy and toxic relationships. 

Financial Expectations and Disputes 

Many immigrants come to the U.S. in pursuit of the American dream as well as financial stability. While these motivations seem worthwhile on the surface, they can be harmful. Viewers can see how these desires for wealth and materialism manifest through Jorge and Anfisa’s relationship in Season 4 of 90 Day Fiancé and tumultuously lead to its deterioration. Through interactions on Facebook, Jorge, an American man, promises to provide a lavish lifestyle for his bride, Anfisa. One of the earliest conflicts, before Anfisa even entered the country, was when she expected Jorge to buy her a $10,000 designer bag (Padwal, 2023). This event, seen in clip 2, foreshadows the trajectory of their relationship, with Anfisa’s demands becoming increasingly lavish and expensive (i.e., wanting a $300,000 engagement ring). After spending a pretty penny to keep up with Anfisa’s lavish expectations, a major turning point, seen in clip 3, occurred when Jorge admitted that he was not as wealthy as he initially said. Anfisa cited Jorge’s deception and inability to provide as the catalyst for the relationship’s deterioration while also withholding affection and commitment, as well as threatening divorce. Ultimately, 90 Day Fiancé fans referenced Anfisa as a “gold digger,” and the relationship ended in 2020, but not until after Jorge was arrested on drug transportation and possession charges. Like Mohamed and Danielle, this example illustrates how a series of negative turning points can ultimately lead to the downfall of a romantic relationship. 

Cultural Clashes 

When those who are unfamiliar with or are not fans of 90 Day Fiancé think of the show, they often reference Big Ed and Rose’s relationship, as it became viral within meme culture and on social media back when Season 4 aired (Goronja, 2022). Ed Brown, proudly standing at 4’11”, met his fiancé Rosemarie Vega on Facebook, and visited her small village in the Philippines to meet her face-to-face. Although Ed’s visit was a turning point in the relationship within itself, cultural differences in socio-economic status, family values and desires, and language barriers proved to be significant issues within the couple’s relationship. For example, in clip 4, when Ed visits Rose’s home in the Philippines, he is shocked by how unsanitary and modest her living conditions are. This turning point led Rose to feel hurt and question whether Ed would be able to accept her culture, family, and the social class distinction between them (Nathani, 2021). Additionally, single mom Rose discloses to Big Ed in clip 5 that she wanted more children because children act as a symbol of value within the Philippines. Rose’s request was left unanswered by Ed, who, in his mid-50s, did not want any more children. These cultural differences and Ed’s lack of transparency on what he wanted in the relationship all act as relationship turning points that once again, lead to the relationship’s deterioration. 

The After-effects of Toxic Relationships

In all three of the examples from 90 Day Fiancé, the compilation of negative turning points acts as a cause of relationship termination. Whether it be through the manipulation of visa status, misrepresentation of financial status, or cultural clashes, all represent the dark side of interpersonal communication and the struggles that accompany it. When exploring these relationships, it is important to recognize that while they might not form within the parameters of a television show, they progress on it; therefore, there are many outside factors, such as the producer’s manipulation of narratives and editing, that can affect viewers’ perceptions. Notably, this manipulation and public perception can have negative implications not only on the relationships but also on the mental health of those in the relationships—further calling into question not only the foundation of the relationships but also the ethics of reality television.

 

 

References

Baxter, L.A., & Erbert, L.A. (1999). Perceptions of dialectical contradictions in turning points of development in heterosexual romantic relationships. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 16(5), 547-569. 

Bolton, C.D. (1961). Mate selection as the development of a relationship. Marriage and Family Living, 23, 234-240.

Baxter, L.A., & Bullis, C. (1986). Turning points in developing romantic relationships. Human Communication Research, 12, 469-493. 

Fischer, E. (2021, May 22). 90 Day Fiancé: Danielle and Mohamed Jbali’s relationship timeline. Screen Rant.

Goronja, A. (2022, December 5). Big Ed & Rose on 90 Day Fiancé: Best memes, gifs & Twitter reactions. Heavy.

Nathani, N. (2021, May 6). 90 Day Fiancé: Big Ed dragged for predatory behavior. Screen Rant.

Padwal, S. (2023, November 4). 90 Day Fiancé: Anfisa Arkhipchenko & Jorge Nava’s relationship & divorce timeline. Screen Rant. 

The Atlantic. (2021, May 6). The Experiment Podcast: The surprisingly complex history behind 90 Day Fiancé.

Witter, B. (2023, October 5). The beginner’s guide to the 90 Day Fiancé universe. Bustle.